Changed Read online

  “I love you so much Campbell.”

  We have dinner and it’s filled with constant conversation. The five most important people to me are sitting around eating, joking and laughing. I sit with a smile on my face, loving how close we all are.

  “Baby, you alright?” Campbell whispers in my ear. I turn smiling at him,

  “Never been better, Campbell.” He gives me that sexy ass wink and turns back to the conversation. After dinner is finished and cleaned up, we all call it an early night. Everyone has class, plus I have work. Campbell stays over at my place tonight. We climb into bed and he wraps his arms around me. I have my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat.

  We lie quietly for a while then he says, “Kenz, you know I meant what I said earlier. You’re it for me.” I feel tears prick my eyes.

  “You’re it for me too Campbell.” We fall asleep in each other’s arms with the promise of forever in our minds.

  After class, I rush home to get ready for work. I will probably only keep this job a while longer. I’ve replenished my bank account and then some. I will be comfortable for quite a while. I get to work just in time to punch in. After putting my purse in the break room, I walk up front tying my apron.

  “Hey, girls. Has it been busy?”

  The other waitresses tell me it’s been steady and we all talk for a few minutes before my first table comes in.

  It’s been a steady flow all night. I’m so glad I only have an hour or so left. “Kenz, you just got seated!” I rush out of the restroom to get the drink order of what I am hoping is my last table. Before I reach the table I see the smiling face of my sexy as hell boyfriend. I love when he comes in to have dinner, especially when I’m almost done that way we leave together. I have a huge smile on my face when I reach the table.

  “Here she is now.” Campbell says. He stands to give me a quick kiss. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and says, “Kenz, this is Matt. We went to high school together.” I immediately lose my smile. My heart races and I feel like I am going to be sick. This cannot be happening.

  “Nice to meet you, Kenz.” He holds his hand out for me to shake it.

  I force a smile and say, “You too.”

  Campbell knows something is wrong he looks at me and cocks his head to the side. “You alright baby?”

  Fuck this is so wrong. “Yep. Fine.” I say with a fake smile. He raises his eyebrows at me, but chooses not to say anything. I try to keep calm as I ask, “What can I get you guys to drink?” They both order beer and I leave to get it with my stomach in my throat.

  I bring them their first round and Matt keeps looking at me. Studying me like he knows he knows me. I put in their order, then to the bathroom to try calm down. This is so fucking bad. Matt was worse than Campbell in high school, he will definitely remember me. He loved to cheer on the girls who were mean to me. I splash some water on my face and take a few deep breaths. I go to the kitchen to get their food and bring it to the table.

  “Another beer?” Campbell smiles at me and Matt says, “You look familiar to me. Where do I know you from?”

  FUCK! I stare at him because if I speak I will probably throw up.

  “Impossible man. She lived up North.” I give a weak smile and leave to get them another beer. I drop it off and thankfully, they are deep into a conversation so I get away without further questions.

  I’ve been sitting in the break room trying to calm myself down when one of the girls sticks her head in. “Kenz, I got your table two beers since you’ve been hiding out. You might want to get out there.” Shit, I didn’t realize I’d been gone so long.

  “Thanks I’m coming.” I walk over to the table with my heart pounding,

  “Everything good?”

  Campbell winks and says, “Perfect baby. You almost done? I want to introduce Matt to everyone.”

  Shit, I never thought about what would happen after we left here. Of course he’s going to bring Matt to the apartment. I wish I had Maddie and Becca here.

  “Yes, I should be done soon. You don’t have to wait though.” I figure if I can get them to leave, I’ll figure something out. Matt is still staring at me.

  He says, “I definitely know you.” I start to walk away and he says, “HOLY SHIT! You’re Kennedy Greene! You totally went to school with us! You look different, but the same.”

  I feel my knees starting to give out on me.

  “What? No way. Kenz is from up north. Right baby?” I turn to look at Campbell and I know he can see the sadness and lies in my eyes. “Kenz? You didn’t go to school with us right?” I can’t help the tears that start to run down my cheeks. I can’t even say anything, I’m just looking at him helplessly.

  “She totally did dude. Her brothers were a few years older, but they played football too.” He looks back at me and I can see the confusion and hurt clear on his face. It only makes me cry harder.

  “Kenz?” I know he is looking for me to say something, but I can’t. I literally feel like I am going to pass out. “Kenz?” I don’t say anything and walk to the bathroom.

  I don’t go back to the table. I asked one of the other girls to do it for me. I also asked her to let me know when they left. She told me fifteen minutes ago they had left. I text Maddie to meet me, so we could walk home together. I need to tell her everything before we get home. I figure she should be here any time now, so I clock out and walk outside.

  I didn’t expect to see Campbell leaning against his truck when I walked out. He pushes off the truck and walks toward me. “Kennedy Greene? How the fuck could you not tell me? We have been together for a fucking year! A fucking year!”

  I can’t stop the cry that rocks through my whole body. “I’m so sorry, Campbell. I wanted to tell you I just didn’t know how.”

  He gets right up in my face, anger pouring off him. “You didn’t know how to tell me in the last year that we went to high school together. You lied to me about everything! Everything! Did you ever really love me, or was that just a fucking lie too?”

  Ouch. I can’t even see I am crying so hard. I wrap my arms around my stomach. “I love you Campbell. The only thing I ever lied about was where I went to high school.”

  He is burning with anger, his eyes are scary mad. “Why the fuck would you lie to me? You let me believe for a fucking year that you were someone you’re not! You’re not the person I thought you were. I don’t know who the fuck you are!”

  I can’t listen to it anymore, I just lose it. “Fuck you, Campbell. I didn’t tell you who I was because you were an asshole in high school. You and your fucking minions bullied me. You made my life hell! I liked you and I didn’t want to, I tried to stay away. Once we got together, I knew if you found out I was that girl, you would have shit all over me again. I should have just told you because this, how I feel right now, this is true pain.” I walk away without looking back. Last thing I heard him say was, “You’re a fucking liar! Fuck!”

  I ran until I bumped into Maddie, and I tell her everything.

  I never in my life have felt more betrayed than I do at this moment. I am trying to calm the fuck down before I get into the truck with Matt. I can’t believe for an entire year she lied to me. She made me believe she was someone she isn’t, then to accuse me of bullying her high school. What the fuck. I don’t remember that at all. I need answers and I know Matt can give them to me.

  I climb into the truck and turn to Matt. “I’m sorry, man. I had no idea this was going to happen. If I would have known I would never have opened my mouth.”

  I rub my face roughly and blow out a breath. “Matt, it’s not your fault. She’s a liar.” I punch the steering wheel because the anger I have rolling through me is like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I want to physically hurt someone, to try to take my own pain away.

  “She may have lied about where she went to school, but I heard what she said about high school. That shit is true.”

  I jerk my head up and stare at him. “What? No fucking way would I treat her
like that. No way.” I refuse to believe I would. She is fucking beautiful, smart, funny, and sweet as hell. It’s impossible that I would mistreat her.

  “Dude, you did. We all did. She didn’t look like that in high school man. She was heavier, didn’t wear makeup, or do her hair. She was an ugly loser and we all made sure she knew it.” I reach over and grab onto his shirt. I get right in his face. I’m breathing heavily from the hatred I feel toward him.

  “Don’t you ever talk about her that way. She is fucking perfect. I fucking love her.” He tries to pull away from me, but my anger is no match for him. “Campbell, I didn’t say that she is that way now. Obviously, she is gorgeous, but I’m telling you in high school, we bullied that poor girl. The girls were awful to her and we cheered them on. We laughed at her expense daily. Think back for a minute, I’m sure you’ll remember.”

  I let go of him and throw my head back on the seat. Fuck, he’s right. I remember her now. We were fucking horrible to her. I’m ashamed of the way I treated her back then.

  I turn to look at Matt, “Sorry man.”

  I start the truck and drive back to the apartment.

  My heart is pounding in my chest on the elevator ride up. I am so nervous I’m going to run into her. What would I say? ‘Sorry I was an asshole in high school and that you felt I would still treat you like that.’ When the doors open, I take a deep breath and walk out. The hallway is eerily quiet. No noise from Kenz’s apartment at all. I look over at her door before walking into my apartment. I wish fucking Matt wasn’t here. I need to deal with this shit.

  “Nice place, Campbell.”

  I turn to look at him. “Oh, yea, thanks.”

  Just then, Young comes through the door. “Hey, asswipe, what’s going on tonight? Are we having dinner with the girls or what?” Straight shot to my heart, I can actually feel it ripping in half in my chest.

  “Um, no. Young, this is Matt. We went to high school together.” I am just mumbling through the introduction because my mind is wondering back to high school. We sit on the couch and thankfully Young starts talking to Matt.

  “Yo, Campbell. Look at Lisa, she is going to hang that sign on Kennedy’s locker. Free dog food. Fucking classic!”

  “Campbell, did you see that ugly girl Kennedy crying this morning after Debbie got through with her? What a fucking loser.”

  “Kennedy, did you ask your dad if you could borrow his clothes or do you guys share?”

  “Big boy get out of my way. Oh my bad, Kennedy.”

  Sitting at lunch girls tripping her, spilling her food, throwing food at her. We all laughed. Girls pointing, making fun, taping signs on her locker. I did it too. I taped a dog picture on her locker. I laughed at her.

  “Campbell!” I lift my head off the back of the couch feeling like the biggest piece of shit.

  “What?”

  Young is laughing. “I’ve been trying to get your attention, you’re in another fucking world. I said what is going on with you and Red. Your buddy here won’t tell me what happened.”

  I look over a Matt. I appreciate that he thinks he shouldn’t say anything. He doesn’t know how close I am to Young and Dick. “I guess I fucked up man. I fucked up before she even became the Kenz we all know. I fucked up when I thought it was funny to make fun of people in high school. I fucked up when I made her feel worthless. I fucked up because I fell in love with her and I didn’t even know who she was!” I am pacing the living room rubbing my neck. I am furious, but not with her, with myself. I’m hurt that she didn’t talk to me, but I’m disgusted with myself.

  “What the fuck are you talking about Campbell? We were there last night and everything was fine. You guys were dry humping over my dinner.” Dick comes in while Young is talking.

  “What the fuck is going on? I just saw Maddie in the hall, she was getting back from the store with shit for Kenz because she is so upset she’s throwing up.”

  I grab handfuls of my hair and stare up at the ceiling. I’m doing this to her. I’m causing her this pain, again. I can feel the tears in my eyes so I leave my head back. My heart is bleeding in my chest for the pain I’ve caused her and myself.

  The guys and I have been talking through all this for the past four hours. No one is giving me advice, just letting me talk it out. I am grateful, because if they hadn’t been here to talk through it I definitely would have put my fist through a wall.

  “We’ve been talking about this for hours. Why don’t we try to get some sleep and see what tomorrow brings?” Dick suggests. I know sleep is not going to come for me tonight, so I let Matt take my bed. I don’t want to be in there anyway, too many fucking memories. How the fuck could it go from perfect to absolute shit in the span of an hour or so? I mean I know how. I lay on the couch and I feel the first tear fall. I haven’t cried since I was a kid, but I never in my life have experienced pain like this. She is my world, and I shattered that. I made her feel insecure with herself. Made her believe she would never be good enough for me. I roll onto my stomach and sob into the couch.

  I have been crying for what feels like hours. I can feel my shoulders shaking with the strength of my sadness. Suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder. I jump and turn my head to see Young. I jam the heels of my hands into my eyes in order to stop the tears.

  “Campbell, it’s alright man. Don’t hold that shit in. It will eat you alive.”

  Normally I would say I feel like a pussy, but I don’t. I feel broken, lost. I’m ashamed of who I was, of what I did. It doesn’t make it any easier to accept because we were in high school. That girl, my girl, is the love of my life and I treated her like shit. I broke her. I clear my throat and sit up. Young is sitting on the coffee table with sympathy in his eyes.

  “I fucking love her so much Young, more than anything in this world. I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for the way I treated her. The pain I saw in her eyes, I caused that. What the fuck am I supposed to do, man? She is my heart, without her I don’t feel alive.” I need someone to give me advice, something. I don’t care what at this point.

  “Listen, Campbell. I’m not good with all this shit, but I can tell you this. I have watched you and Red for the last year and what you have is real. You love her as much as she loves you. Maybe you guys just need to give it some time. Time for you both to forgive.”

  I fucking hate the thought of giving it time. I don’t want to be away from her, but I think Young is right. I need to try to forgive myself before I can expect her to forgive me. I just don’t know how the fuck to do it.

  I try so fucking hard to stay away, but it is as if my body is drawn to across the hall. I spend an unhealthy amount of time at the peep hole, just trying to get a glimpse of my girl. When I see her, it is like my heart is being ripped from the chest every single time. I want to walk over and demand she forgive me. It is driving me fucking crazy. Countless times, I have worked up the nerve to go talk with her and every time I chicken out.

  Today I made it to her door. I was just about to knock, but the fear gripped around me once again. I rest my forehead on the door with my hands flat on either side. I squeeze my eyes tightly trying to keep the tears at bay.

  “Baby I am so fucking sorry I hurt you. I am nothing without you. I don’t know what to do to make this right. Please Kenz, please, come back to me. Let me try to fix this. I love you so fucking much.” I whisper into the door like a prayer, hoping she can somehow hear what I am saying.

  I deserve her silence, but I can’t take it much longer. I walk back over to my apartment, but turn to stare at her door one more time. This needs to end. I have to make things right. I go into my apartment and decide it is time to figure out how to get my girl back. I’m done sitting around like a bitch, I am going to fight for her. She deserves nothing less.

  It has been two weeks since I lost Campbell. When I got home that night, I finally lost the battle and threw up all night. Every time I would cry that first week, I would get sick. I lost the best thing that ever happened to me. Pe
ople talk about heart ache; this isn’t that. This is so much more, it’s pain. When I was little and my mom died, I was sad but I really didn’t understand. I watched my dad suffer through the pain of losing her. He told me once that when my mom died a part of him died with her. I never understood that until now. That is how I feel, like a part of me has died.

  The guilt consumes me. The truth could have prevented all of this. I was so afraid of how he would react, that I thought lying was the best way to handle it. If only I’d know how much worse it would get. The only time I get out of bed is for class and work. I gave my notice at work, so I only have two more days. I haven’t seen any of the guys, not even in the hallway. I not only lost Campbell, but Young and Dick too.

  I am in bed and just the thought of everything I lost is causing the tears to fall yet again. I hate myself for causing all this. My door opens and I don’t need to look to know its Becca. She and Maddie take turns sitting in here with me. If they are both home, they are both in here. If Maddie is out Becca is here and vice versa. I feel the bed dip and Becca’s small arms wrap around me.

  “You need anything Kenz?” I shake my head because I know if I try to talk the sobs with rip through me.

  “Did you think about what we talked about yesterday, sweetie?”

  She suggested that I try to talk to Campbell. She thinks there is too much left unsaid. I agree, but I feel if he wanted to talk things through, he would have gotten in touch with me. I lied to him for an entire year. I don’t think that is something he will just sweep under the carpet.

  I take a deep breath to try to keep the sobs from coming. “Becca, I can’t contact him. When or if he’s ever ready to talk about things, he’ll contact me.”

  She just lays with me and doesn’t push it. I know she disagrees with me. There is just no way I can I bring myself to contact him first.